HOME

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10


Well hello, personal devotions.  Long time no see.  I'll keep it short.

I'm a big believer in the saying "Home is where the heart is".  You can have birthplaces, places you have great memories in, the place where you grew up, but 'home' as a definition can mean so many different things.  In the message given in today's personal devotion, it mentions a child of God is always welcomed home.  In this context, home for me would be church.   I've always subconsciously known that church is a place which makes me happy, despite all the drama which goes on sometimes, but I think this clarifies why I feel safe there.  When I first went to Samil Church, it didn't feel like a foreign church, or an English-speaking Korean church, but it felt like home.  I remember when that Sunday I wasn't really feeling that happy, but as soon as I stepped inside the building I could feel so much love going around.  That probably sounds so sappy and cringe-worthy and all that stuff which makes me shudder, but at that moment in time I felt so thankful that I was part of God's family.  Knowing that He will always be there for me, knowing that He will always have his arms wide open despite me failing all these times....it's something which can't be described.

PLEASANT WORDS

"The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction...Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." Proverbs 16:21,24


The passage today was from verses 20 - 30, but I think I can sum up what they were trying to say: Instruct people with pleasant words so that they may have wisdom and understanding.  I think it was focusing more on the pleasantness of the words as well.  How many times have I myself felt accused or angry because someone else was instructing me in a way which was hurtful to me? How many times have other people avoided instruction because of the poor word choices?

I have always believed that the words you say and the tone in which you say it in makes the biggest difference in how people respond.  There are a lot of people I know who don't realise how negative or dissuasive they actually sound, despite their good intentions.  I guess today's passage doesn't focus so much on what God has done for us, but what we can do for other people to show God's love.  For myself, I think I am getting better at changing my tone in order to match what I want to say, but only because I have realised that what I say should be spoken with love.

COUNTING BLESSINGS BEFORE I SLEEP

"Praise the LORD, O my soul and forget not all his benefits - who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases...he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities." Psalm 103:2-3, 10

Dear God,

I'm sorry I haven't been talking to you for a long time.  I'm sorry for breaking the promise, yet again, of how I would read the Bible every day and listen to what You want to tell me.  You have always been my rock and shoulder of support whenever I needed it; I always turn to you when I need help, but push you away when I think everything is going fine and I'm caught up in the midst of the materialistic world of clothes and food.  Thankyou for always being there.  Thankyou for treating me well, even if I don't deserve it.  I'm so thankful that you forgive us whenever we make mistakes.  Please help me to be like You.  Please help me to understand what Your will for me is, and guide me towards that path.  

Tonight I read the Bible again for the first time in a week.   And you know what God is telling me?  Esther, wake up and realise that God has given you so many good things in your life - why do you keep wishing you were different?  Why do you think your life is not rich and fulfilling?  Count your blessings, Esther.  Count them and open your eyes to what He wants you to see.  

NEVER GIVING UP

20th February, 2011

"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." - Galatians 6:7-10

Sometimes I find it strange that people can use cliché sayings like "you reap what you sow" without ever wondering where the term came from.  What I find even more strange is that more people will use the term but refuse to believe in the Bible.  If you can use the instructions given from God, then why do you deny that He is there?

Anyway, that's not what I wanted to say in this post.  The verse which stuck out to me this morning was "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."  It corresponds with one of the fruits of the Spirit - patience.  I have to admit that I'm not a patient person.  I will give up easily if I don't see things working out quickly, which means I lose the opportunity to see what could have been if I had persevered.  I will also lose focus or confidence if I find something difficult.  


As Christians, we are supposed to live a life where we can reflect Jesus's love for everybody else and also tell other people about God.  But being a Christian is difficult.  People will make fun of you, others will openly state their dislike and opinions of Christianity - all of whom are friends and family, which makes it worse.  I guess it isn't so much patience which is a problem when it comes to Christianity, but it's my proneness to giving up and becoming 'weary' all too quickly.  When so many people are against my faith, I start to cower and become afraid to speak out because I don't think I can win them over.

I was reading a book last week where a character in a story said: "Well if you look at it from the perspective of the Bible, then there's a devil - Satan - who's fighting God.  Naturally, if the devil wants to destroy the truth, he has to discredit anyone who speaks it.  So if Jesus spoke the truth to people, then the first thing the devil has to do is make Jesus look ridiculous and deceiving.  And that's precisely what we see in the world."  When I read that, I realised just how true it was.  But strangely enough, it didn't make me scared.  In fact it made me want to go out there and not give up in doing good to other people, to show them God's love.  Because I realised it wasn't just me against them anymore. It's me and God against Satan.  Who will win?  God, of course.  

AUTONOMY

" 'Everything is permissible for me' - but not everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissible for me' - but I will not be mastered by anything...Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honour God with your body."  - 1 Corinthians 6:12, 19-20

My family recently returned to doing a weekly family devotion after taking a break for a long time.  Last week's devotion topic was about 'Letting Go' in terms of the parents letting go of their children.  My sister and I started to voice out our opinions on how our parents haven't really 'let us go' when we came upon the subject of autonomy.  Seeing as I'm almost twenty - I know, very scary thought - and my sister is almost twenty-three, it's only natural that we want some autonomy in our decision making.  I think every person going through this stage of life would feel this way.  Actually, any person at some point in time regardless of age will favour making their own decision rather than being told what to do.  As we were talking, my dad kept repeating this one phrase: "There are some things you can be wrong about, but there are some things which you can never be wrong about."  It's a bit more stronger in Chinese,  but basically it means that some mistakes are harmless, but other mistakes can ruin your entire life.

When I read this passage this morning, I immediately thought of our discussion from last week.  " 'Everything is permissible for me' - but not everything is beneficial."  We want to be able to make our own decisions when we grow up.  We want to know that we are capable of looking after ourselves by ourselves, and that the decisions we make are the rights ones.  But how do we know what is right and what is wrong?  In this world, everything is available - good or bad.  How do we know what the right decision is?

A lot of the time, people think that Christians are kept so tightly by rules in the Bible.  We can't do this, we can't do that, we're basically party poopers because the Bible won't allow us to have fun.  To be honest, I've felt that way too.  But what is fun?  Everyone's definition is bound to be different so why restrict people to your own definition of fun.  We have our own mind to determine if the 'fun' that other people present to us is beneficial to ourselves or not.  It's not God telling us what is right and wrong, it's the brain and mind which God gave us which determines what we do.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that autonomy is good, but only after a certain point.  We need to have enough experiences in life, where someone has cushioned our fall from mistakes, before we're ready to make the harder decisions.  We're never by ourselves because He is always watching over us, but in real life, we need to make the cushion ourselves when we mistakes.

MY HEART BELONGS TO YOU

This is what the LORD says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the LORD...Like a partridge that hatches eggs it did not lay are those who gain riches by unjust means. When their lives are half gone, their riches will desert them, and in the end they will prove to be fools. - Jeremiah 17:5,11

I started this blog as a way to encourage myself to keep up with my personal devotions.  I have, yet again, failed.  I guess you could say it wasn't as bad as last time when I stopped doing them for almost three months, but it is still a failure.  The reason for why I failed this time was because I a) lazy and b) didn't feel like I needed Him at the moment.  I just finished Big Week Out, which was a step in the right direction, and then I slide back down again.

When I read this verse this evening, the sentence "who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the Lord" really stood out to me.  I know that I can rely on God for everything, but I'm scared that it's just head knowledge for me.  Is my heart really with God?  Do I truly believe that He will take care of me?  I ask these questions in my mind, but straight away I know that the answer is yes.  It's just that doubt gnaws away at me sometimes.

NO MORE PAIN

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” - Revelation 21:3-4

Death is something a lot of people are worried or concerned about.  I think it's because they don't know what it's like.  People who have had near death experiences describe it different ways.  Some people describe it as a painful struggle, others have told stories where they see the light at the end of the tunnel while others say they see their whole life flash by and realise how much wrong they have done.  Like I said before, I have never feared death and will never fear it.  I do get scared about how I die though.  Obviously it would be nice to just pass away in my sleep, or if it's not a natural death then I would prefer it to be instant e.g. bullet through my brain or getting hit by a bus and instantly dying.  (I know, how morbid and weird of me to describe my ideal dying circumstances.)

But I, like any other, am afraid of pain.  I am scared that when I die, it will be slow and painful.  Which is why I really like today's verse.  Either when Jesus comes back for the second time or when I die - whichever one comes first - pain and suffering for me will cease.  I will be able to go to a place where it's beautiful and perfect and completely pain free.  And that is what I really really want for my friends and family and everyone in this world.

FALLING OVER

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man.  And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. - 1 Corinthians 10:12-13

"And God is faithful....stand up under it" is quoted a lot of times, especially when someone's talking about temptation and standing up against it.  But I think I like the focus of verse 12 more: "So if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!" It doesn't just talk about giving in to temptation but it makes it clear that we should never consider ourselves above temptation.  I think there's a message of 'pride before fall' in there; there are times when I feel like I'm really okay with God and everything is going well in my spiritual life and don't think I need Him anymore, and then I will slip and continue falling until I get back to my rut.

It is comforting to know that God will never let us be tempted beyond what we can bear, but it's also important to know that Satan definitely wants us to be tempted and will do anything to make us fall.  The verses before verse 12 explain that those who give in to temptation constantly will be subject to bad consequences e.g. "we should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did - and in one day twenty-three thousand of them died." (v. 8)

In the words of Alfred Pennyworth, aka Michael Caine from Batman Begins, "Why do we fall, sir? So that we might better learn to pick ourselves up." We need to remember that when we fall, we should try and get up as soon as possible, otherwise the slope becomes steeper and harder to climb up again.

IN THE SECRET

“Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. - Matthew 6:1

There's an event called Big Week Out which I've gone to about five times now.  It's main purpose is for the young people of Adelaide to go out and participate in acts of community service like gardening, clowning, pancake stalls and house renovations.  Quite a lot of people attend this event.  It runs during the last week of January, which is the week before school starts in Australia.  During my previous experiences, the people I worked with at Big Week Out were really friendly and very sociable.  They were a good bunch of people to hang out with and to share experiences with. 

I've also been on three mission trips during my short lifetime, all of which were enjoyable in their own way.  Each time we set out to help people with different things, whether it be their health, their spiritual life, their English abilities or their music skills.  Each time I go away on a mission trip, people will tell me that it's so good of me to be willing to help out the needy and the poor.  Some will tell me that I'm such a good person, or that I'm a good Christian because I'm going out of my way to do God's work.

When I read through this morning's devotion, I immediately thought of Big Week Out and my mission trips. After reading Matthew 6:1-6 and 16-18, this line keeps coming into my head: "Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." As I was reading the verses this morning, I kept asking myself one question - do I go out and participate in these activities because of my love for God and because I really want to do His work, or because I like the recognition and the stigma which comes from doing these activities?  

Although it's not 100% the latter, I'm still not proud to say that the latter does factor into my choice of participating or not.  I find the line between working for God and working for myself to be extremely thin, and it's a line which I often cross without realising or wanting to.  After this morning's devotion, I realise that I'm going to have to do a bit of self-interrogating and cross-examining in order to be at ease with myself. 

THE EYE THAT NEVER SLEEPS

The LORD will keep you from all harm - he will watch over your life;  the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.- Psalm 121:7-8

The morning after I arrived in Hong Kong, my grandpa told my mum and I that one of our relatives had passed away earlier on in the year.  She wasn't an extremely close relative, but I had visited her the last time I came back and was planning to again.  She would have been 106 years old this year.  I remember being told that she was still really energetic for her age, because she could still walk by herself and speak coherently, albeit a little mumbled.  The news of her death didn't really shock us, I mean...she was 106, but it started a few conversations about death which have continued over the past few days.

Yesterday, my mum was talking about how during the last few months she had 'left' Australia and wasn't there anymore.  My grandma, who's still a little superstitious on the language, told her off for saying 'left'.  In Chinese, my mum said 走 zou (가), which literally means to go or to leave.  It's also a more passive way of saying that someone died, which is why my grandma was so sensitive.  She reprimanded her immediately and said that my mum should have used 'I was not in Australia', instead of 'leaving'.  

When I read this morning's Bible passage, it struck me that my Hong Kong family is still so sensitive about death.  As a Christian, I know that I will be going to Heaven when I die, which is why I'm not scared of death at all.  In fact sometimes I wish it could come sooner, but that's a different issue.  God has promised that he won't sleep or slumber while watching over us, so we shouldn't be scared about anything.  He's like Big Brother, but in the best way possible.  

(After our mission trip, my mum challenged the whole team to a new year resolution.  She asked us to improve in one part of our spiritual life, and I chose to do personal devotions.  As you might have read, I'm not really that great at doing them everyday.  Therefore, I've decided to keep an online journal of them in hope that I will feel guilty if I miss a day.  I won't update them daily, just the ones which I think are important for myself :) )