"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." ~ 2 Timothy 1:7

February 11, 2011

TWO WEEKS LEFT

I had a dream last night.  I was in the university dormitories at Chung Ang, but the design of the dorms were similar to that of a glass cruise ship without the water.  In fact, it wasn't even like a dormitory.  It was really big inside but kind of dark with heaps and heaps of people walking around.  There were cafes and bookshops inside the building, as well as two heated swimming pools where people were sitting and talking.

I was walking around this huge building by myself, trying to find out what I was supposed to do when there was an announcement somewhere to collect textbooks from the bookshop.  I started worrying because I didn't actually know the names of my textbooks.  When I found the store, it turned out that I had accidentally gone to the front of the line instead of the back where people were waiting in a long spiral line upstairs.  I was allowed to cut in front, but I still had no idea what books I was supposed to collect.  Thankfully I saw a friend (who in real life does law like me, but isn't going to Korea) and picked up the same books as she did.

On my way to find my room, there was a 'cabin call' (similar to the ones on cruise ships) and everyone gathered upon the different levels of the building and listened to ...someone.  I think he was an administration person, because he started telling us what we were allowed to and not allowed to do.  After the talk finished, I started talking to these two random boys who were either side of me.  I didn't know them and I only talked to them for a little bit before leaving.

Throughout the whole dream, I felt lost and lonely.  I didn't know anybody and I was scared to talk to people.  Even when I saw my friend at the book store, we only had a brief conversation before we turned our separate ways.  I saw huge crowds of people around me but I didn't reach out to speak to anyone.  It felt like I was in a bad dream, but then I remember thinking that this is what I've been dreaming about for so long in real life.  I know dreams have connections to your sub-conscious beings, and I know that the dream I had was probably real-lifing my inner concerns but it just felt so real.  I actually woke up this morning and felt my heart pounding really fast because I felt scared in my dream.

I've never felt nervous about going on exchange until now.  In fact for the past year I've been really excited and impatient to go - just to get away from Adelaide and the familiar surroundings.  It's something I've been waiting for for a long, long time.  But now that it's just two weeks away, I finally start being apprehensive and scared of what's to come.  Don't get me wrong, I am still just as excited and happy to go.  It's just that I now realise what a huge change it's going to be.  No family and no friends in a new environment - I'm a little bit scared.  I know it's completely normal to have this feeling, but it's feels a little bit weird because I normally don't get nervous about these things.

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